There are a lot of weird diseases out there. No-one knows them all. I’ve only come across one case of Persian-cat-itis in my life but it was a pretty hideous one. That said, they usually are.

Persian-cat-itis gets its name because the sufferer develops an unsightly ‘dinged in’ look in the face, not unlike that of a Persian cat. The patient may also present with increasingly hirsute body parts and an unusually high love of cream and fish.

Treatment involves the creation of a human-sized catflap and the acquisition of many comfortable places to sleep. The symptoms normally wear off a couple of decades after death.

Once you have registered with your local Jesus Christ, you will probably be called in for an initial appointment to evaluate your health. It may be that your particular Christ is off work that day, in which case there may be a locum saviour.

Jesus Christ is not infallible, so you may occasionally need to ask for a second opinion from an alternative prophet, such as Mohammed. They should all have roughly the same background, but interpretation of symptoms does differ from religion to religion.

Having made a diagnosis, your Christ may not be able to offer you an appropriate treatment, in which case you may be referred to a specialist.