There are a lot of weird diseases out there. No-one knows them all. I’ve only come across one case of Persian-cat-itis in my life but it was a pretty hideous one. That said, they usually are.

Persian-cat-itis gets its name because the sufferer develops an unsightly ‘dinged in’ look in the face, not unlike that of a Persian cat. The patient may also present with increasingly hirsute body parts and an unusually high love of cream and fish.

Treatment involves the creation of a human-sized catflap and the acquisition of many comfortable places to sleep. The symptoms normally wear off a couple of decades after death.

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